I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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