Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After last night, I could never be a politician.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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