That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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