: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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