So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize