I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize