Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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