Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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