someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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