At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
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We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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