I just cut my nipple shaving
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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