You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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