The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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