I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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