you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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