he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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