I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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