just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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