Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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