Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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