I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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