Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize