I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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