I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize