I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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