he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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