The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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