I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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