I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Two words: nipple clamps
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