My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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