Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize