Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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