Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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