I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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