It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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