My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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