when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
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Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize