6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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