hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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