There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize