theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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