when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can I color on your dick again?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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