watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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