Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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