The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize