so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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