dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
where am i from again
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize