i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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