hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize