I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize